[Coco] Engineers

[John Donaldson]

You're An Engineer If...
 
You and your co-workers have set out to modify the antenna on the radio 
in your work area for better reception.  
All your sentences begin with "what if".   At Christmas,
it goes without saying that you will be the one to find the burnt-out 
bulb in the string.  
Buying flowers for your girlfriend or spending the money to upgrade your 
RAM is a moral dilemma.  
Dilbert is your hero.  
Everyone else on the Alaskan cruise is on deck peering at the scenery, 
and you are still on a personal tour of the engine room.   In college 
you thought Spring Break was a metal fatigue failure.  
On vacation, you are reading a computer manual and turning the pages 
faster than someone else who is reading a John Grisham novel.  
People groan at the party when you pick out the music.  
The blinking 12:00 on someone's VCR draws you in like a tractor beam to 
fix it.  
The only jokes you receive are through e-mail.  
The salespeople at Circuit City can't answer any of your questions.  
The thought that a CD could refer to finance or music never enters your 
mind.  
You are always late to meetings.  
You are at an air show and know how fast the skydivers are falling.  
You are aware that computers are actually only good for playing games, 
but are afraid to say so out loud.  
You are convinced you can build a phazer from your garage door opener 
and your camera's flash attachment.  
You are currently gathering the components to build your own nuclear 
reactor.  
You are next in line on death row in a French prison and you find that 
the guillotine is not working properly so you offer to fix it.   You are 
still drinking Mr. Pibb.  
You are wine tasting and find yourself paying more attention to the cork 
screws than the '84 Chardonnay.  
You bought your wife a new DVD ROM for her birthday.  
You bought your wife's valentine gift at orchard supply.  
You can name at least six Star Trek episodes.  
You can type 70 words a minute but can't read your own handwriting.  
You can understand anything Al Gore says.  
You can't remember where you parked your car for the 3rd time this week.  
You can't write unless the paper has both horizontal and vertical lines.  
You carry a list for everything except the groceries.  
You carry on a one-hour debate over the expected results of a test that 
actually takes five minutes to run.  
You comment to your wife that her straight hair is nice and parallel You 
disdain people who use low baud rates.  
You do Darth Vader or Battlestar Gallactica impersonations by talking 
into a spinning fan.  
You drive a gremlin with a "Beam me up Scotty" bumper sticker.  
You ever burned down the gymnasium with your science fair project
You ever forgot to get a haircut ... for 6 months.  
You find yourself at the airport on your vacation studying the baggage 
handling equipment.  
You go on the rides at Disneyland and sit backwards in the chairs to see 
how they do the special effects.  
You have "Dilbert" comics displayed anywhere in your work area.  
You have a functioning home copier machine, but every toaster you own 
turns bread into charcoal.  
You have a habit of destroying things in order to see how they work.  
You have ever debated who was a better captain: Kirk or Piccard.  
You have ever owned a calculator with no equals key and know what RPN 
stands for.  
You have ever purchased an electronic appliance "as-is".   You have ever 
saved the power cord from a broken appliance.  
You have ever taken the back off your TV just to see what's inside.  
You have introduced your kids by the wrong name.  
You have memorized the Discovery Channel program schedule but have seen 
most of the shows already.  
You have modified your can opener to be microprocessor driven.  
You have more friends on the Internet than in real life.  
You have never backed up your hard drive.  
You have never bought any new underwear or socks for yourself since you 
got married.  
You have used coat hangers and duct tape for something other than 
hanging coats and taping ducts.  
You introduce your wife/husband as mylady at home.wife/husband 
<mailto:mylady at home.wife/husband>.  
You just don't have the heart to throw away the 100-in-1 electronics kit 
you got for your ninth birthday.  
You know how to take the cover off your computer, and what size 
screwdriver to use.  
You know the altitude limits for turning on and off electronic equipment 
on commercial flights.  
You know the direction the water swirls when you flush.  
You know what http:// stands for.  
You look forward to Christmas only to put together the kids' toys
You need a checklist to turn on the TV.  
You order pizza over the Internet and pay for it through your home 
banking software.  
You own one or more white short-sleeve dress shirts.  
You rearrange the dishwasher to maximize the packing factor.  
You remember half a dozen passwords and your ten-digit Compuserve 
address, but you have to call your niece "kiddo".  
You rotate your screen savers more frequently than your automobile tires.
You see a good design and still have to change it.  
You spend more time on your home computer than in your car.  
You spent more on your calculator than on your wedding ring.  
You still own a slide rule and you know how to work it.  
You talk about the high resolution and picture-in-picture capability of 
your big screen TV while everybody is watching the Superbowl.  
You talk about trellis code modulation at parties.  
You think a pocket protector is a fashion accessory.  
You think of the gadgets in your office as "friends," but you forget to 
send your father a birthday card.  
You think Sales and Marketing are Satan's children.  
You think that when people around you yawn, it's because they didn't get 
enough sleep.  
You think your computer looks better without the cover.  
You thought the contraption ET used to phone home was stupid.  
You thought the real heroes of "Apollo 13" were the mission controllers. 
  (they were)
You use a CAD package to design your son's Pine Wood Derby car.  
You walk around with your hands in your two front pockets 99% of the 
time.  
You want an BLUE-RAY for Christmas.  
You wear black socks with white tennis shoes (or vice versa).  
You window shop at Radio Shack.  
You would rather get more dots per inch than miles per gallon.  
You've ever tried to repair a $5 radio.  
Your four basic food groups are: 1. Caffeine, 2. Fat, 3. Sugar, 4. 
Chocolate.  
Your checkbook always balances.  
Your dress clothes come from Sears.  
Your favorite actor is R2D2.  
Your favorite character on Gilligan's Island was "The Professor".  
Your favorite James Bond character is "Q," the guy who makes the gadgets.  
Your favorite place in San Francisco is the Exploratorium.  
Your favorite television show is New Yankee Workshop.  
Your girlfriend says the way you dress is no reflection on her.  
Your idea of a "good read" is the Edmund Scientific catalog.  
Your idea of good interpersonal communication means getting the decimal 
point in the right place.  
Your ideal evening consists of fast-forwarding through the latest.  
Your IQ is a higher number than your weight.  
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